Clu - A Question of Trust
by cloudlake
Summary: Trust is a delicate thing. When it's betrayed, it changes people - beyond just robbing them of their innocence. When a new user arrives on the grid, Clu 2 is more than happy to exploit her. A/N: Finally, I wrote the 'bad boy' (devious, patient, self assured side) side of Clu! Rated T for a bit of language and suggestions of adult situations (no details). Reviews appreciated!
1. Chapter 1

A narrative of my encounter with C.L.U. 2. The administrative program for the grid and the most powerful, sentient, non-human being to ever exist. I'm writing this down in the hope that I can piece together what really happened.

* * *

><p>I had stumbled into his world, not knowing where in the name of all creation I was. After I was given a disc and some sort of uniform, it went black. When I woke up near the water, all hell was breaking loose. The only thing I knew was that I was in a flood. It wasn't rain, but something alive and it would soon overtake me.<p>

Like a gold beacon lighting the way, I saw him fighting back the tide not far from me and making his way in my direction. Disk flashing as he drove off wave after wave. If I could just make it up there, maybe I could get through this. I tried to mimic what I saw him doing, and made some progress. But I fell to a strong crest. As the flood covered my head, my single thought -'Get the hell off of me!' took shape as an explosion. It sent the rush away from me for the moment it took for him to reach me and grab the ladder to pull me up into the ship hovering overhead.

"Whoever you are, thank you," I manage only a whisper when we're safe aboard. But I hope the kiss on his cheek speaks gratitude for me. Why isn't he trembling from the adrenaline, like I am? And not a lock is out of place in his feathered back hairstyle.

"Darlin' you're not from around here. Are you?" His head tilts, but his cool demeanor remains right down to his ice blue eyes.

I just shake my head 'no'. What could I possibly say when I haven't the foggiest where I am, with out looking like a complete moron?

"I am *very* happy to see you," he gives an ever so slight smile that offsets his sharp jawline, and he tucks his hand under my chin with an familiar self-assured ease.

My guard goes up, instantly. I suppose I should expect that not all reactions to a peck of gratitude will be humble ones. Most guys I know would stammer over a kiss on the cheek.

As if he can tell what I'm thinking, he soothes, "Don't worry yourself. So...who do we have here?"

"Grace. Grace Nolan. Who are you?" I take a step back involuntarily. One of his underlings - clad in all black with a few hints of red and face covered with a helmet, enters the room.

"My name is Clu. You may refer to me as Your Excellency," he states matter-of-factly. Turning his attention from me, he snaps his fingers and nonchalantly issues the command, "Disk." The dark figure steps up behind me and removes my disk without even a word, handing it to his leader. Clu opens the contents and partially turns his back to me.

"I…I was told not to remove it. Give it back," I answer with less gusto than I'd hoped.

The view is only partially blocked, as I try to see what he's doing. Absorbed in the contents of my disk, he reviews my memories. One of my more private memories he seems particularly amused by - but keeps his reaction silent. It makes me feel queasy. Then he replays the memory of my entry into this place. Why would he care about that? Quickly he races through my entire life, and my disk is returned to its dock.

"No worries, Grace. I just had to inspect it," he dismisses my earlier concern. "Now why are you upset, Darlin'?" he queries as he sees my tension and moves toward me again.

"With all due respect Your Excellency, that was quite invasive," I finally muster a little courage.

"Duly noted. You should know it's standard procedure. No need for alarm. Though, you would be wise to not let just anyone have access to it. It can be dangerous." He tucks a wisp of my shoulder length brunette hair behind my ear, as if nothing is out of the ordinary in the gesture.

I'm not sure if I should be comforted or creeped out right now. But I don't look away or flinch.

"Good. You have spunk." He circles to inspect me then gives a signal to his lackey. "Take her upstairs."

I stiffen at that last phrase, and glare at Clu.

"My dear, he's going to show you to your quarters. He's had a rough day. Don't make him growl," he chides.

With one last wary glance at Clu, I follow.

* * *

><p>Retrospective:<p>

They say hind sight is always 20/20. In my case, only a few parts are crystal clear. I'm not sure how much of it all I've been able to fully comprehend. But I do know, I shouldn't have been grateful for him saving me. I should have run like hell.


	2. Chapter 2

My silent escort curtly gestures for me to enter what is to be my quarters. As I comply, he turns to leave and the door slides closed behind him. Glad to be rid of me, I suspect.

I test to see if I'm allowed to exit the room. The door opens to reveal a guard stationed outside. So either I'm a prisoner or a ward in his care. But which is it? "Pardon me, but is there a library on this ship? I'd like to find something to read," I venture.

"Program, I must ask you to remain here. Your request will be forwarded to Jarvis, who will be arriving shortly. He'll need to know what you'd need a library for. You haven't been given access to the system's code," the guard tries to be helpful.

"Program?" I shake my head and bumble on, "Oh, sorry. I meant a place that stores books to read. Not code."

"You may have access to a vid screen for such purposes. But I am not familiar with books," he offers.

"No books…strange. But I'll take a vid screen. Thank you. Is it possible to get something to drink and something to draw with too?" I press, so I'll have a few things to keep me entertained.

He nods and goes back to his duty.

Unsure of how long I'll be confined here, I explore my new surroundings. Everything is sleek and utilitarian, rather military-esque. I run my fingers over the smooth surfaces inlaid with the ever present glowing lines. I can't seem to find a switch to turn off the lights. So, I move on to inspect the furniture, despite it's appearance everything is very comfortable.

Making my way to the desk at the window, my breath catches. We are hovering near the most magnificent city I've ever laid eyes on. I sit to just take in the lights and abstract buildings below us. I must have put my hands on some invisible button because a voice responds, "Jarvis here. How may I serve you?"

"Oh sorry to bother you. I don't know how all of this works," I mumble the apology.

"I'll be there shortly with your requests. Then I can re-familiarize you with the desk's functions. His Excellency warned me that you may not remember everything. Please let me know if you require anything additional. I live to serve," his eagerness drips in his words.

"Thank you, Jarvis. I will," I assure him - though it bothers me how much of a sychophant he seems to be, and I've not even met him in person yet.

My thoughts return to the metropolis, and I'm quickly mesmerized.

Jarvis's overly cheery voice requesting permission to enter snaps me back. And I bid him in.

He puts a pitcher of glowing blue liquid beside a glass and ensures I know how to run the vid screen to read and draw, hanging closely over my shoulder like an excited parent. "His Excellency requires your attendance in the throne room. May I suggest more formal attire? Perhaps something that matches His color scheme?"

When I ask for his expertise, he drums his fingers together excitedly in contemplation. "Oh, yes! I know just the thing." He has me step over to a specific tile on the floor and he brings up a window from no where. Typing quickly, my simple black form fit uniform morphs into very short body hugging dress, cropped long sleeve jacket, and over the knee boots. Oh my, my thighs are showing now. At least he didn't make the dress low cut, too. It just has a simple triangle cutout at the neck. My long dark hair is up in a high bun. He added simple red dots on my ears to simulate earrings. With my light lines now red with a hint of gold, I feel like I at least fit in a little better.

He turns his vid screen to show me what I look like in a 3d turn around view. I wouldn't have chosen this, but it suits me better than I'd have guessed. When I don't respond right away, Jarvis seems a little deflated, "Should I change anything?"

"Oh! No, no. I'm just getting used to a dress that shows off my legs. I like it much more than my other outfit. Thank you. Anything else that I need before we go?"

His lips purse as he ponders then shakes his head. "Shall I escort you?" he offers his arm as he leads me into his leader's presence again and offers tidbits of advice along the way.

The butterflies start up in my stomach as we enter the throne room and Jarvis announces me. Have I only been put off from Clu before because of the authority and command that he exudes? He's showed civility and he saved me after all.

Ensuring I walk with confidence, I make my stride slower. He's lounging with a foot up in a large low blocky black perch. His helmet is up, but his head turns to watch me. The not quite circular gold ring on his head, reminds me of a crown. And he's wearing an asymmetric robe over his military like uniform. So, he's pulling out all the stops. But why show off? His power in this place speaks volumes all on its own.

He gestures to a seat near his. Sitting cross-legged because the seat is a little short and I can't be modest otherwise, I give a smile to gauge him.

Allowing his helmet to retract, the smile is returned. "You honor me by wearing my colors, my dear Grace."

"I'm glad you're pleased. Jarvis was a great help in choosing my attire. So I'm sure I'll be relying on his opinion more," I reply as humbly as I can manage. It would seem one doesn't go around bragging in front of a king or what ever he is.

Proceeding with small talk, he asks about how I find my quarters, if I have everything I need and if I like the view. Regarding the latter, I have to gush a bit, "I don't think I've been as smitten with a cityscape before."

He rises and ushers me over to see the view from the window here. Pressing an illuminated control panel, he makes the 'window' extend out past the ship to be a viewing deck. Confidently he steps out onto the glowing glass and indicates he'd like me to join him. I'm hesitant, because heights scare me terribly. The clear platform is holding him, so it should be fine. Taking a deep breath, I take his gloved hand in a death grip and am about to put my foot onto the glass.

"Don't look down. Look at me as you step out here, then only out at the city," he patiently explains.

Surprisingly the advice works, and I'm able to stand there beside him without cutting off the circulation in his hand. The vista is even more incredible here. But when I forget and my treacherous eyes stray, I clamp down on his hand and close my eyes. He tries to cover his chuckle and leads me off the platform.

"Would you like a remedy for that fear of heights? I was planning on adding a file to your disk that will give you knowledge of how things work here on the grid. Helping you with that in addition would be a trifling thing," he's all graciousness as he still keeps contact with me.

I'm not sure how I feel about the disk with my memories being altered in even a beneficial way. Sensing my hesitation, he squeezes my hand, "Take your time." Noticing me stifle a yawn he adds, "It's been a long cycle for you, hasn't it Darlin'? I'll escort you to your quarters. The other programs may not know how to act around you." Deftly tucking my hand over his arm, he leads me.

"That's the second time I've heard the word Program. But it's not making any sense," I grapple with the lexicon.

"Oh that. Yes. It will all be detailed in the file I'd like to install on your disk. But I'll humor you. Here on the grid, the inhabitants are Programs. Those who give us commands from outside the system are Users. I won't go into the details, but there was a User once that only took and didn't' give back. He was neglectful to the needs of the system. Some programs have trust issues because of the experiences."

"Humans are Users, then? Where I come from, a 'user' is an ugly word," I process the information as I talk.

He stops around the corner from my quarters out of earshot from the guard. "All the more reason to hide the fact that you're not a program, at least for now."

Sighing, I concede and hand him my disk. "You're right. And I think I should have that file. It will help me fit in better. How long will it take to make the change?"

"Not long. I'll have it back to you by the time you wake." Continuing on toward the door, he bids me a good sleep cycle and not taking his eyes off me, he gently kisses my hand. There's a cockiness in that look that says he's used to getting what he wants.

* * *

><p>Retrospective:<p>

I should have realized I wasn't just being coached by Jarvis, he was my 'handler'. Everything was dealt with by him, except my interactions with Clu.


	3. Chapter 3

There is no dawn on the grid. It's rather a rude surprise, when you wake and keep looking out a window expecting to see a light fill the sky. But dark brooding clouds simply remain above us. How can a world exist with out the sun? Then it occurs to me, I neither feel warm nor cold. I pinch myself and register the pain, so I know I'm not dreaming.

Clu's voice in the system speakers interrupts my melancholy. As promised he has my disk.

"Good morning," I offer a hearty greeting, anxious to see him for what he's returning.

"Same to you." His response, warm and genuine. "I suppose you want something back. I forget. Darlin', what was it?" The twinkle in his eye and the note in his voice are mischievous as he puts a finger to his lips and his other hand is hidden behind his back.

I'd bet he was aiming for a kiss, considering how touchy he's been so far. Shaking my head and grinning at his antics, I walk to his side where I can see the disk and hold out my hand with out giving a vocal response.

"Oh, this…" he rolls it down his arm like it's a hat in a hat trick and returns it to me. Such a flirt.

I can't help but giggle. "Thank you, Your Excellency," I say sincerely and put the disk in its dock. The install is much rougher than the first time I received my disk. I have to sit down afterward, and Clu is a gentleman with the chair for me right away. He must be concerned, because Jarvis pops in and is dismissed. Instead of heading to his duties, Clu sits beside me for a while to make sure I'll be alright. When his responsibilities finally compel him to leave, he won't let me stay alone. The guard is posted inside my room.

Talk about a strange feeling. How do you even concentrate on reading a blasted thing if you're being watched? At least I know the Grid basics now. I can flip through the vid screen like it's natural and I know how to use the commands on the desk and room controls. The syntax rolls off my tongue and I understand what a milicycle is, and what Clu's title is and the importance to it. He's the Administrative Control Program, overseer and co-creator of the Grid. With the disk upgrade, Clu gave me access to more areas on his Throne Ship. I'm grateful for more freedom and feel less like a prisoner. Though this cycle the guard accompanies me to ensure there aren't more negative effects.

I finally get to see the bridge and meet those operating our airship. The pilot allows me to sit in his seat for a few microcycles and shows me the basic controls. Since flying is not my function, he has no worries that I'd pick up on the nuances. Our destination is Argon City, evidently there's been some unrest.

We stop to power up in Tron City before heading out, and I accompany Clu and his entourage for an outing into the sprawling metropolis. Our visit to the End of Line Club is what I enjoy the most. Castor is such a vibrant and agreeable host. When Gem whisks me off to meet the DJs while Castor and Clu chat, I find myself just ga ga over their music and talent.

Before we leave, whispers into my ear, "I want them to see *us*, Darlin'. Will you ride back with me?" Despite his pushy nature, his gaze is so intense and so earnest.

I don't want to be the shy one anymore, nor the one off kilter because of attention paid to me or a new situation. I feel more like myself again, now that the shock of it all is finally wearing off. I fit in more too, and he's charming as all get out. What will he do if he sees the more natural side of me? A test is in order. Barely audible, I murmur with my cheek just short of touching his, "Your Excellency, while I'd like to. What will your subjects think?"

He pulls me tighter to him in a manner that feels possessive. "Very coy, my Grace. We'll head back, then." Linking my arm in his, he escorts me out of the End of Line and into the elevator. The others hang back to give us a bit of privacy.

"You're adjusting well to being on the grid," he remarks as we descend and look out over the city together.

"Thanks to Your Excellency's hospitality." I give his arm a squeeze and let my head rest on his shoulder.

"Just call me Clu." He puts his free hand over mine on his arm.

"Ok…Clu. Tell me about yourself. Am I correct that Tron City is home for you?" I encourage, hoping he'll cooperate. He knows more about me, than I do about him.

He's a bit elusive, only focusing on Tron City and memories he has from here. But I try to extract every little bit I can from what he tells me. It's always been his home - so it must be his birth place. He's known Castor for many cycles. They haven't always seen eye to eye. And there was a security program called Tron that the metropolis was named after. So few facts, but the ride from dizzying heights is surprisingly quick.

"You weren't afraid in the elevator?" he queries as we exit.

"No…no, I wasn't! You really did cure my fear of heights, didn't you?" I look back up at the glass transport then at the one who yet again is my savior, in wonder. Without thinking of his rank, I impulsively throw my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder. My voice is a little thick as I manage, "Thank you. That's plagued me all my life."

He chuckles and runs a hand over my hair, "My pleasure."

Realizing that I may be causing a stir among those around us, and Clu *IS* the ruling program of the grid, I abashedly release him. "Uhm...sorry. I was just…"

He puts a finger over my lips. "Shhh." As he rezzes his light bike, he confesses in a hush, "There are so few that view me as approachable."

The ride back to the throne ship is exhilarating. He has a serious need for speed and an incredible reassuring control as we race through the streets with my arms around him. Looking back, the only one tailing us is Rinzler - who still gives me the creeps with his lack of words and growls. At least he's letting us have some space.

Aboard the ship, we dally as we walk hand in hand. Outside my quarters he seems like he wants to say something, so I ask what's on his mind.

"I've got something very special in mind for you," he answers as his hands cup my face and he kisses me fervently. Happily, I return the intensity. When he lets up and activates the door, I take his hand, step into my room and tug gently to invite him in. But there's a reluctance that catches me a little off guard and I can't place it. It doesn't fit with his usual self-assuredness. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"I anticipated I'd have to be more patient with you. This is a pleasant surprise, but I have a review of the troops and an important speech for them very shortly."

"But you were sure you could charm me?" the cockiness in the assumption makes me giggle and I play with one of the fly away locks behind his ear.

His nod is definitive, but followed by a fleeting look that's also hard to read. My first thought was guilt, but that doesn't fit with this conversation.

"Your time isn't your own very often is it?" I sympathize.

"You have no idea." He gives a small grin and kisses me deeply, fully communicating that he wishes he could stay. Bidding me a pleasant sleep cycle, he promises to check on me later.

Going to bed with thoughts of Clu in my head, it's a little hard to doze off. And when I finally do, I wish I'd never gone to sleep at all.

Vivid images of torture, abuse, death, and destruction fill my dreams and don't stop even when I wake. Tripp, my guard comes running in when he hears my banshee shrieks. Nothing he can do will calm me, so he requests backup. The medics try to sedate me, but can't get near enough. My mind is wild and I am like a cornered animal, haunched up, wide eyed, and emanating a deep threatening growl. Finally, Clu is summoned in the hope that he will know what to do with this woman turned dangerous feral creature.

Everything is full instinct and reaction for me at this point. I don't process Clu's entrance until he is able to grab my wrist and ultimately pin me down. Hyperventilating while I'm restrained, I croak pitifully, "Help me, Clu..."

He taps something on my disk, and continues to soothe me. Slowly, I start to feel sane again. When my breathing is no longer ragged, he dismisses the others in the room. Only then do I allow myself to cry. He tucks my head into his shoulder and just holds me. I'm terrified to go back to sleep, but out of sheer exhaustion I eventually succumb to it. He's chased the nightmares away and they don't return that sleep cycle.

Startled to find myself in his arms when I wake, I recount the events that lead me here. Curling up closer, I don't want to leave his side for a few microcycles more while I process the meaning of it all. When I can manage to untangle myself and sneak out of the covers, he begins to toss and turn. He must be fighting dream demons of his own. So I sit next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. It seems to do the trick.

As the next few cycles pass, the nightmares continue and only seem to be vanquished if I sleep next to Clu. This draws us increasingly closer, and before you know it - we're inseparable. He's a damn good lover. Intense and unpredictable as a wildfire.

* * *

><p>Retrospective:<p>

And when you get too close to the flame, you get burned...

The warning he first gave me about not letting others have access to my disk, still rings clearly in my head. But who would ever suspect the one who gave that warning? He created a dependence on him, that would be too difficult to break on my own.


	4. Chapter 4

Being so intimate with him, I see glimpses of his hopes for himself and the grid. Naturally I want to help, especially after he tells me that he expects an invasion. One that could threaten the very existence of the grid.

When he asks about projectile weapons, I eagerly tell him what little I know and help him develop the ones I understand best into grid variants. The crossbow with a battery to produce energy bolts and the photon bazooka. I keep the prototypes secret, because I've never made anything like them, and hand off variants of them. With the mounting conflict between the rebellion and the occupation forces, I figure it can't hurt to always have a weapon at hand - particularly one I can use with accuracy.

Subtle shifts in our relationship develop. He's increasingly moody, restless and withdrawn. Though I can still lure him to bed, it no longer feels like love. Somewhere along the way, it became very one sided. Is this what it's like to care for someone in power? You're no longer the thrill of the chase, so you lose your sparkle?

Like he has for the last 10 cycles, he summons me to the throne room. With a cold and distant voice he asks me, "Do you remember when I told you, I had something very special in mind for you?" He caresses my face, causing a shiver to run down my spine and I can't fight the urge to turn my face. Giving me no hint of what lies ahead, he simply states with a menacing grin, "It's finally time, Darlin'." A flick of his fingers and Rinzler appears out of nowhere to restrain my hands.

I struggle in my bonds as I demand, "What's going on, Clu?"

"Oh, you'll see soon enough." He's turned his back to me to watch our descent into the arena.

Such a strong symbol for what I feel is coming, and my knees are weak. The lackey has to hold me up.

Upon landing, Rinzler pushes and kicks me along ahead of him, while Clu and his entourage disdainfully follow. All of Tron City appears to have gathered for my humiliation. Digging my fingernails into my hands to keep myself focused, I draw blood. He'll try to pull the rug out from under me and I can't let him. But what is his catch in all of this?

I try to turn around and I'm jerked forward again. So I just turn my head as I shout my accusation, "Since you're throwing me away, Clu. You might as well tell the crowd why you exploited me, like a filthy user! What is it you gained from me?"

The collective gasp in the crowd is the effect I was hoping for. Rinzler stops me in my tracks and jerks me around to face his administrator. Clu strides up with a smirk on his face and before he can say anything, I spit in his face.

Wiping his face as if it never happened he chides, "You're a fiery one, User. But, you're no longer fit to wear my colors." He drains the red and gold from my circuits, leaving them stark white. I'm not certain if the white feels dirty or clean. It just looks very unnatural.

Addressing the crowd now Jarvis continues for him, "That's right programs. Our leader and beacon said 'User'. The Grace you knew and trusted is known in the User world as Grace Nolan. She's been hiding among us, gathering reconnaissance on our system for her own nefarious plot. She hid well, even has a grid language translation pack installed so she can blend in as a program. We know how Flynn used our system as if it was his play toy. Whatever Grace was planning, stops here and now."

Ignoring Jarvis and the crowd, I direct my venom at the one who caused all of this. "Clu you coward! Making Jarvis tell your lies for you! The truth has to be told…" But I'm cut off mid rant, as I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder from Rinzler. It drives me to my knees and I can't fight the tears. The pains in my shoulder and my heart are simply too much together. "I truly loved you Clu. I loved you…," comes out as a sob.

"But you don't any more, Darlin'. Do you?" Clu stands over me and prods.

"I don't know what to think of you, now that you're so cruel." My sobs have turned to obnoxious little sniffles. But at least I'm gathering my wits again. I force myself to focus, by digging my fingernails into another section on my wrists.

"You shouldn't have expected me to act like a User. I'm NOT human, nor do I have such pathetic needs or ideals. I see to the needs of my system over anything else and it will be perfect," he exalts.

"And you will be alone, because you use all those around you to achieve something that's not possible." The words come out choked and rasping now, "I pity you,"

I thought I'd seen him angry before, but the pure, undiluted fury with which he draws his disk is utterly intimidating. "You would have had a chance in the games. But you had to press your luck. Didn't you? It leaves one choice. End of line, man!"

As the disk swings in a deadly arc toward me, I shriek, "NO!" and my will is gathered into an explosion - just like it was when I first met him. The burst sends both him and Rinzler flying back away from me and my bonds are broken. Pulling a hidden baton from my leg, I rezz and draw my crossbow.

While Clu is down, I fire twice pinning his shoulders to the arena floor. I don't know how I know that Rinzler is behind me, but I turn and manage to duck the incoming disk - albeit not too gracefully. I try to process how I can deal with Rinzler before Clu frees himself. If I can make an explosion, can I make a cage too? It takes a couple tries, but I manage to contain him.

Then I run over to the still struggling Clu. His security forces are heading this way, so I have to be quick. I give him the sleep mode command, so he can't kick me. Next, I rip the disk from his back. At least he's not conscious for that - it would be agonizing. Afterward, I snatch the front baton on his right leg and rezz it. Thankfully it's his lightjet like I'd hoped and I'm out of there.

Now that I have what I need and am out of range, I search his disk for his motive. The truth knocks the breath out of me. He only ever wanted me for my disk and any new weapons that I could design for him. Emotionally, I'm unable to take in anymore information, though it would have been wise to try. How often does one get to search the mind of the enemy? Oh my….that's what he really is, isn't he? My hands go slack and the disk plummets to the ground, I know not where, as I fly.

* * *

><p>Retrospective:<p>

I had the opportunity to rid the grid of it's worst enemy, and I didn't do it. There was no way I could see who he truly was at that moment. I could only see his betrayal of me…


	5. Chapter 5

Flynn finds me a few cycles after I escape. Because of what I'd just been through and the plague of nightmares with no hope of being able to stop them, I am savage and extremely spooked. The distinct likeness in his face to Clu's and the fact that Clu had brain washed me about him makes me even more wary. I just hiss and growl when he enters my locked room. He has to treat me like an animal for several cycles before he can get near enough to me to remove the nightmare inducing code.

I wasn't the first one Clu had used the disk hack on. Another low blow that I am just another in his long line of those used and thrown away by 'His Excellency'.

Flynn was joyous at first that he wasn't alone anymore - that he wasn't the only User on the grid. But the trauma I've been through has taken such a toll on me, that I can't even speak for cycles on end. Even 'The Creator' gives up trying to coax me to communicate.

When my words finally return and I can speak to him of what I'd been through, Flynn offers his deepest sympathies. "I neglected my first 'son'. Expected him to carry on my work on the grid with little guidance. Expected him to have my human sensibilities and compassion. I expected the impossible of him and he won't quit until it is achieved. Man, I could have done so much to prevent this."

I know that's not the whole of it though, so I counter, "Clu also made his own choices, because he's fiercely independent. It was the perfect storm."

We talk over and over about what, if anything, that can be done. Flynn has seen so much destruction and death in the fight against Clu. If only either of us had known, we could have stopped this insanity sooner. But would have, should have and could have get us no where.

* * *

><p>Retrospective:<p>

All I truly feel like I understand any more is that I have stood directly in the fires of hell with its mesmerizing red and gold circuit glow. I have met the devil and he's temptingly beautiful, irresistibly charming, utterly cunning, and devoid of humanity. I still dream of him and what we shared from time to time. I had truly loved him, now I repeatedly tell myself I hate him. It makes me dread our next meeting. While I know what must be done, I don't know if I am capable of it.


End file.
